Ex-officer Kills<<< Is what I would've named this article if it were mine.

Bad lead

A former Navy reservist who was fired from the Los Angeles Police Department in 2008 has gone on a murderous rampage aimed at police officers and their families, law enforcement officials said Thursday, killing at least three people — including an 11-year veteran of the Riverside Police Department — and setting off a huge manhunt across Southern California.

My lead

Former Navy reservist kills at least three people during a murderous rampage aimed at officers and their families on Thursday. A tremendous manhunt was set in motion across Southern California after the body of of an 11-year veteran from the Riverside Police Department was discovered. The reservist was fired from Los Angeles Police Department in 2008. Was this his motivation to kill?

Why is the original a bad lead? 

The why of the article is mentioned too late in the lead. The fact that he was fired is irrelevant until the the writer states the who,what,where, when, why and how of the story. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s